Nipping Sarah Palin when she tried to make it Thanksgiving diner.
It would have to kill 3 bald eagles.
Outing an undercover CIA operative working on WMD...oh wait, nevermind, that should never be a pardonable crime.
murdering Janice Dickinson's plastic surgeon
"Taking care of" the following people:Bill O'ReillyLauren ConradAnyone from any cast of the Real World, post-Vegas (well, including Vegas, I guess)Bobby Flay (and Racheaaeaaeaeal Ray, for good measure)Ashlee and Jessica Simpson (or at the very least figure out a way to give Jessica a mute button)Greg PaulusPete CarrollJonathan Papelbon (seriously dude, what's with your way-too-calculated, oh-i'm-trying-way-too-hard-to-look-way-too-tough glare before every pitch?? I've seen the video of you in drag in high school...you're a good pitcher, but you're an L-7 weenie)Rush Limbaugh (is he still relevant?)Oh, and kidnapping and deprogramming Bristol Palin's baby daddy wouldn't be a bad idea either. He might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but no one should have to be subjected to what he must have to go through on a daily basis.
caroline says "trafficking cocaine through newark"mike says "committing a massive conspiracy to defraud the american public into starting an unjustified war" cate says "being a jive turkey"
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